Another good news! Daddy just gave me my allowance! Woohoo! I can finally get the shirt and jacket and skirt that I had seen in bugis. Whatsmore, there are a lotta birthdays in April too...
let your heart out.
Have been keeping myself busy these days. Busy with work... busy with family matters... busy with CCA... and busy with some other random stuffs. Though its rather tiring, i think its a good way.... Meeting lighthink ppl tomorow. Got to settle alotta stuff before that.
Juz had the craving to blog, so typing all these crap here. Will type something with more depth when I have the time.... Gotta let my brain recharge for now....
let your heart out.
Have been thinking about this ever since, most probably because of the past week which was really unbearable. Is it just mood swings and my over-sensitivity? The weather was rather fine and good earlier in the day. Then suddenly, it just started pouring, worsening my emo-ness. I'm lacking behind all my work... have been failing all my tests, but I just can't concentrate! HELP!!! There has been so many things racing through my mind. Maybe Grace was right... I should fight for what I really want, but I really don't have the courage to.
想念是会呼吸的痛
它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛
看你的信会痛
连沉默也痛
遗憾是会呼吸的痛
它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛
恨不懂你会痛
想见不能见最痛
let your heart out.
Big Bang's "Lies" and "Last farewell"MV. Its really nice. Love their songs! ^^
P.s: Cheryl... Im super Super junior fan. not big bang...
** To read the lyrics ( in korean): view > encoding > Unicode (UTF-8)
let your heart out.
Actually, many things have happened this week, both happy and troubling. Thought of posting about everything that had happened during the week today. But after the SBM meeting, I felt that all those feelings had become rather insignificant now. Was pondering whether I should go for it earlier in the day, as I was kinda sian.
Glad that I hadn't given up this opportunity. Many of the mind-boggling matters had amazingly become so small and I felt so much calmer after listening to what Venerable Bodhi had said. The meditation session was very helpful too! It has been such a long time since my mind had reached this level of calmness and blissfulness. =D
Gotta clear my file now. Still have econs essay and PI to do...
let your heart out.
Tads Hiro!! Creating a rainbow with water spray... so lovely.
let your heart out.
Went back to the lib after that. But coz we were so full and sleepy, we decided to take a nap instead. So, we all managed to do a few sums only (as u all noe, the ave time of doing one qns, esp differentiation qns takes more than 15mins).
Walk walk wif Eunice for a while after that...
let your heart out.
Met them at PS, BK at 1pm. Spent hrs discussing bout the exhibition. At least we finished what we had planned to do today, though we spent most of our discussion time crapping. xD Went back home after that. Wanted to go to the arcade first, but Hari said that we should go home and start mugging for our common test. But I guess it wasn't of much help, since I had been staring at this screen, watching my korean drama ever since I reached home. -_-
On my way home, while waiting for the bus, and while on the bus, it rained. Started to think a lot again. I think what Jon said was right. My mood's often affected by the weather... First thing that came to my mind was Hiro... (Grace shld know why xD). Then was reflecting on all the things that I have done recently. And I came to a conclusion that one should not be too greedy, if not he/she will just lose everything in the end....
KK! shan't emo anymore. I'll start afresh tomorow, after a goodnight's rest. =)
let your heart out.
Met Grace and Daryl at PS, before heading to Cathay. The tix were relatively cheap as compared to GV's, at $6 for students. Watched sky of love, the show that I was rather reluctant to watch at first. During the movie, the guilty feeling soon worn off. Cause, it was really touching and super nice... would have regretted if I hadn't ponned the second half of CO. Though the story line is somewhat expectable, it still moved me (and many others, esp grace xD) to tears. Was practically crying throughout the show. Furthermore, Hiro was super super shuai! haha!
Ppl, seriously, yall should catch this show. pleading and pleading.... Sky of love rox! Hiro rox! and so does Mika! xD
P.S: tried posting some photos on sky of love, but its not reli working, so can't. Will try to put it up soon... ^^
let your heart out.
Thought of going out together with 35, but many had activities aft sch. So, wanted to go out with cynergy instead. Sadly, some ppl with alotta CCAs cldn't make it (cant blame dem lar) and some juz came out with stupid excuses again, like bball? (duno wad im pissed abt.)
So decided to go shopping with Celine instead. (Thanks ya... u are always there for me ^^) Then Eunice called me to say she didnt wana go for lighthink meeting, and asked me out, but cldnt lar. Sorry dear... She was a lil' touchy today too (guess tads why we're good frens. heex), so pei her pon the last lecture of the day. Had a great time chatting on the treehse, a whole 1hr; abt *****.
Then, after Celine and I had walked quite a bit in bugis, eunice sent a msg over to say that her grp de ppl had PS her and she sounded reli super pissed. Im really sorry u couldn't join us for shopping... Will treat you to some food the nxt time ya. CHEER UP!!!
Travelled down to TTSH aft tad. First to reach. Was really tireed and sleepy, so I laid my head on ah ma's bed to take a short nap. Feels good and calming. Its been such a long time.....
She seems to have lost weight. Her thighs are merely bones... But she's still as active as ever. At that moment, I felt that ah ma was really great and noble.
However, was quite disappointed with CH. You know what state ah ma is in now. Can u pls be more sensible? Stop hurting yourself! Cos you are hurting your loved ones even more. It made me really upset to know about what happened...
let your heart out.
I think I have to say this to mayer...sorry ya. Was kinda emo during Econs lecture juz now. Knew you were trying to cheer me up, but I juz couldn't... too many things going on in my mind.
Last night, daddy told me he was gonna send me to sch, cos the doctor had asked him and my other uncles and aunties to see him in the morning, regarding ah ma's examination report; coz he had found 2 tumors in her stomach. Was praying hard that it was nothing serious...
Then this morning, near the end of GP, I msged daddy to ask how was it. Somehow, i cld feel that deep in a small corner of my heart, I was a lil' scared to receive his reply. But I decided to msg him in the end, coz I beleived that everything would be alright. Why does my institution have to fail me at times like this?
Me: Daddy, what did the doctor say?
Daddy: Doc gives 6 - 12 mth.
I didn't understand what he meant (or was it simply that I didn't want to believe the msg?). So I called him...
Me: What did the doctor say?
Daddy: He said that ah ma has a cancerous tumor in her stomach and intestine. He doesn't encourage an operation at her age, might have a lot of complications and side effect. The doctor has talked to ah ma too, and she was quite accepting...
Wanted to pon CO and rush straight to the hospital after sch. But what should I say to her? How would I react? Would it be just like Mrs Ng?
Waiting for the rain to stop. Going to ECP wif Celine..to the arcade. Or MACS?
Hopefully I'll be able to think through more by then....
Seeing ah ma after that...
let your heart out.
Had planned to go cycling along changi with Ah yi mabel, ah yi may, their kids, etc. this morning. Then to go for breakfast and head to the lib to mug after that. However, plans were changed when my grandparents called to ask us to go for breakfast first.
Had prata (again...). Then, we headed for East Coast Mac's since it started to rain. That sian-sation was just so irritatingly sticking to me. The few of us (cousins) decided to go to the arcade since the rain didnt seem like it would stop soon. Tried the para para thing for the first time. It was kinda fun and addictive...
While we were playing half-way, my dad came to tell us that they had gotten a lane for bowling. And so, there we were, at the bowling alley bowling instead of cycling. After bowling, we got to the van to get the bicycles and roller-blades. And, just as we embarked on our journey, it started pouring again. In the end, we were stuck at yet another fast food restaurant - burger king.
Got to blade a bit when the rain was not that heavy. Though it was a short "ride", it was great! Got to sort out alotta unhappy things that had been going on in my mind for the past few days (or weeks?).
Was quite tired by time we were leaving for home. Slept through the journey home. After sending Ah Yi mabel and her kids home, we went home to rest a while, before going to TTSH to visit ah ma.
Chun Heng was already there by time we reached. Took a seat beside ah ma and saw that her right hand was full of needles and tubes. It really hurts to see her like that. She was admitted to hospital coz of super low blood count and the doc transfused 2 packs of blood for her. Held on to her hand... It was evidence of all the tough times that she had went through: veins, bones and wrinkled skin. At that moment, I felt really guilty. How was the lil difficulties that I've been experiencing be compared to hers?
Looking at her, I cant help but think if I would be the same when I'm old. Would my life be an eventful and meaningful one? Or would it be just full of regrets?
I guess "treasure" is what I have learnt from today's experiences...
let your heart out.
Am I really not important to anyone at all? Will anyone remember me, or even take note of my presence if I'm not here? Sometimes, I just feel so insignificant....
Sometimes I wonder if its really retribution. Could you pls let me off? Let me be one with no feelings; then I would not be hurting deep down, then I would not have to put on a mask every time I'm not alone, then I would not have to wash my face with tears...
Maybe sunset is the end after all...
let your heart out.
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